Being A Mom!

I dreamed of being a mom ever since I was a little girl. I raised my brother while my mom worked to support us. I had many daydreams of holding my first born and loving her unconditionally. While all my friends were worried which college they were going to attend I was worried about when I was gonna be a mommy. After Dan & I got married we started trying right away. After a few years of no success we tried mild fertility treatments with no success. We had the application for adoption while doing the fertility treatments but I wanted to at least try one last thing before going on that road. We finally sent in the application & while doing the dossier received the referral for a little boy who was 12 days old. Exactly one year later we were in Guatemala holding him for the very first time as he balled his eyes out. I thank God every day for leading me down that road. I thank God that Cameron's birthmother had a big enough heart to let me be his mother. It is the greatest gift one woman can give to another. Cameron will always know her and know what a great sacrifice she made to make me a mom. Even though I have only seen her in pictures she holds a big piece of my heart. He is every bit like us. Very stubborn and hard headed. Very impatient. It drives me crazy but he is just like me. Very into his clothes & primping like his daddy. Very caring like his daddy. I have been given the greatest gift ever. It is a very hard & tiring job but it is worth it every day to see him grow up and become an independent & caring child. He knows when you need that hug & rub on the back to make the day go better. It is the biggest job I will ever have & it is the best job I will ever have. Being a mom just feels right!

Happy Birthday Nana!

On Monday my mom turned 48. Yes, my mom is young but I love that Cameron has a nana that will be around for a long time. We have been practicing saying "Happy Birthday Nana" and I finally got it on video. Mom, I know you loved hearing him say it on the phone but now you can see him say it. This is for you mom and we can't wait to see you on Saturday.

Wordless Wednesday

Can you help?

Please read this post on Kayleigh Freeman's blog written by Brent Riggs. I have asked everyone to pray for this family which I do every day. Yes, me! They also need help financially. Their daughter was born premature and after her last surgery is somewhat brain dead. They have no clue what the exact thing that caused it but she had blood loss either during or after surgery. She may not survive but their faith in God is unbelievable. Along with dealing with their daughter being in the hospital since the minute she was born they have been hit hard financially. Please read Brent's post and help any way you can. I did and it feels good to be able to do something to help them even if I don't know them personally.

http://kayleighannefreeman.blogspot.com/2009/04/42709-guest-blogger-brent-riggs.html

Prayers & hugs,

Mindy

Cameronland

We have been looking for swing sets for Cameron and finally found one we loved. Well, Dan fell in love but Cameron had to approve. We actually went to a different Costco to check it out and I couldn't find it anywhere. Then all of sudden Cameron points up and says Mama. It was clear on the other side of the store. When we finally got it it was the last one. Dan rushed to get the sod taken up and the yard leveled before he left for his trip. Of course he hurt his wrist while doing it. We had one Sunday planned for the guy to come put it together (yes, we paid someone. It would have taken Dan 10 years & who knows if it would be put together right.) and of course it rained. Well, finally this Sunday they came to put it together. Of course they weren't quite done & it started drizzling but they kept going. At 6:30 they got it done so we woke up Cameron (late nap) and took him out. He was watching them build it all day while he played outside so he was so excited when it was done. He got to play on it for about 15 minutes before it started pouring down rain. He hasn't gotten to play on it since b/c yesterday we had hail and today it is snowing. Only in Ohio!!!

FFF-Beach

Today's Favorite Foto Friday theme is "Beach'. I bought these sunglasses at Children's Place on Saturday on my girl's day out. He put them on and has to wear them every day all day. The first thing he says when he gets up is "Blue Eyes". He only takes them off for eating and sleeping. I know it isn't the best for him to wear at night but he is two and right now I am picking my battles carefully. Cameron has not been to the beach yet but we are going to California in June. We are staying near Universal the first 4 days and the last 3 days in Santa Monica on the beach. I am so excited. I lived there for about 6 months when I was 19 years old. I was completely broke and not working so I never got to enjoy much while living there. That is what happens when you are young and follow a boy there. Anyway Cameron is talking up a storm and really getting into things I can't wait to spend this vacation with him & Dan.

His new nickname is Chatty Cathy. He talks all day every day. Most of it I can understand but Daddy is still having a hard time. Dan has been in Vegas since Tuesday night and Cameron is doing okay with it. He did ask tonight if Daddy Home. He will be home tomorrow and I am so ready for him to come home. He goes every year but it is kinda good for us to be away from each other for a few days. We really realize how much we love and appreciate each other. He does so much for me and our family and I love him so much for it. He is so into his terrible twos. He has such a hot temper that he now throws temper tantrums for an hour to an hour and a half. I have no clue how he lasts that long but it wears me out. When he is home it doesn't bother me too much. He has become a little destructive at times so I put him in his crib with no toys and when he is done he lets me know. But a few weeks ago we took the car in for a maintenance appt. and he threw a fit the whole hour we were there and then an additional half hour after the appt. Everyone was staring of course b/c I wasn't picking him up and babying him. I try to comfort him but he pushes me away. I cried so hard the other day b/c I feel so bad when he gets upset. I have no idea how to comfort him and what to do for him. He refuses to tell him what he wants and it so hard to know what he wants. I am slowly learning how to handle it without getting so upset but it is hard with a hot-headed child. Why don't they come with manuals!

Scared to Death!

Ever since we were not selected during the committee for a child in Korea I have been really down. We started thinking that maybe this was a sign from God that we should go for a girl. I keep looking at the photolisting. Every day I check them to see what children are waiting in Korea. Some children have severe special needs and while my heart breaks for them I don't think it would be fair to Cameron to bring a child into our home where we would spend a majority of our time in the hospital if we can help it. The way it works is they are given a batch of referrals just like any other country. They go through & send referrals to families who are a matched based on the form you filled out on what special needs you would prefer. If some children are not matched they go on the photolisting. You can then inquire & request additional medical information for your pediatrician to look over. Sometimes there are a few families that request information. After so many they won't send out anymore information. Then they wait for those families to decide if they wish to proceed with the adoption. The committee made up of 5 social workers looks over every families information & decides who is the best match for the child. Even though we know we are not bad parents in any way it is very hard to hear you are not selected. I hurried and started getting all our paperwork ready for our homestudy to have everything done & turned in before our committee meeting. I only had a few documents to collect. Then we were not selected and I put the binder away for a few weeks. Our homestudy agency is waiting on me to complete the paperwork before doing our first visit. I just can't seem to get it together. The fear is coming over me more than I anticipated. Am I ready? Yes. Am I somewhat prepared for two children? Yes. Am I okay with not having that little girl for this adoption? Yes. The ups and downs of Cameron's adoption are just coming back after our one year anniversary. He was so worth every mountain we had to climb and compared to some families they weren't that bad but when we signed up for Guatemala it was 6-8 months at the most. It then turned into one year for us. Children in Korea are not available for international adoption until they are 5 months old. The wait is usually 3-5 months at the most but again you never know. And yes we found another little guy we are interested in and are still waiting on our pediatrician to go over everything. She adopted two girls from China so she understands so much and is really helping us by looking at this child's information. We inquired on Thursday and by Friday they marked his picture as no longer accepting applications. Yes this means that there are other families looking at his information right now. If we do decide to proceed with adopting him there is a potential for us to have to go to committee again if other families would like to as well. I think this is scaring me for than anything. Can I handle another let down right now? What if we aren't selected and it puts me to where I just don't want to do another adoption right now? I know this is part of life and you have to take risks to go after that ultimate dream but I can't but be scared. I am human! But that the same time I can't help but think of the other families. I have to let go and God will help me through it no matter what the outcome.