Monday, August 16, 2010


We are home safe and sound and I will definitely post about our trip once I have a few functioning brain cells. This has been by far one of the hardest things I have ever been through. I have had to deal with Cameron's grieving and attachment but this is a whole nother level of intensity. Gavin is greiving pretty badly but as we found out on our pick up trip his foster mother held him ALL THE TIME!! While I am very greatly for everything she has done for Gavin I really believe in my heart (and this is my personal opinion) that social workers need to really sit down with these families and explain to them the outcome of some of their actions. Gavin was held so much that his muscle tone is not where it should be. He screams this most awful ear piercing scream if you don't pick him up. If we are not in the same room as him he flips. I can't pee without him wanting to be held. While I know that some of it is his learning to attach I know most is from her holding him so much. She actually told us she held him a lot in our meeting. It really doesn't teach him how to self sooth at all. I had to teach this to Cameron and it is not easy. Then on top of that the sleeping with them does not help at all. Both boys slept with their foster families. I know they want to spoil them rotten and make them as happy as they can while they have them but some decisions will effect them for a long time.

Cameron is doing okay but had a very bad night this weekend. We had family, friends and neighbors stopping by on Thursday and Friday and really doting on Gavin. Although I do have to say Darla was very good and aware about doting on Cameron too. Some of my wonderful friends Darla, Angela & Tracy made us meals and gave both boys gifts. Dan's sister, Mollie brought us dinner and my mom stayed for a few days to help out. But Cameron seeing Gavin getting more attention than him really set him off. Saturday night while trying to get him to bed he through the worst fit ever. He was refusing to go to the potty (and BTW he had regressed in the potty training) and just screamed like I have never seen him. I went upstairs to talk to him and holding him. He hit, punched, kicked and screamed the whole time. It hurt me so bad that I just broke down in tears. It made him calm down as he saw mommy was hurting too. It really makes you question your decision as a parent. I know things will get better and everyone will love each other one day but I promised him I would never, ever hurt him and he is hurting so bad from this. I feel so much guilt when I love on Gavin but also knowing he needs it to know I am his forever mommy. I can tell you that adopted children have a much different experience that a biological child. Cameron has already had to deal with abandonment and he is questioning it again in his young life. We are spending one on one time with him and reassuring him every day that is our baby and isn't going anywhere. Just keep us in your thoughts and prayers! If any of you stop by or see us out just don't forget big brother needs love too!!!


Terri said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel! To be honest I thought when I brought Abbie home Isaiah would run off and they would be the best of friends and everything (from both of them) would be perfect. NOT! I had several break downs of crying and still to this day I question myself all the time about what is right and wrong.

It does get better though. I think it will be better for Gavin at the beginning and then Cameron will come along. will flip flop. At least that what happened with me. We had attachment disorder problems flying through the air on all parts. For me too! =)

Like I said it WILL get better and they'll be the best of friends. You'll look back at this point and laugh. Okay, maybe not laugh but say Phew as you said in you title!. If you ever need to talk...I'm here! =)

Heidi said...

You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers! I know exactly what you are going through. Emmi sounds exactly like Cameron when we brought Jake home. She STILL can get very jealous. Jake's foster mom held him all the time too and I also couldn't go pee without him screaming his head off. It is so hard and I completely understand!!!!! It does get easier! Almost 2 years later, both kids are well adjusted and happy. Yours will be too!! The hardest part for me was seeing Emmi not really enjoying having a brother. They have their bickering moments but for the most part they get along great now. Feel free to vent to me, I can relate. :)I'd love to get together with you sometime and have our kiddos play!