What's next?? A get real post!!

These last few weeks my brain has been running 500 mph. I tend to over analyze everything. I want to do this. Well, if I do this what will the outcome be? Is it the right choice for me or my family? Is it the right time right now? I tend to think when I want to do something I have to do it right this minute. I can't wait a few days or weeks. If I see something I want or want for Cameron I have to get it now. What if it sells out then what? Like my life will come to a stop if I don't get that one item. Example: I have been hunting everywhere for winter hats & golves for Cameron. We have none for him & if it gets cold here what am I going to do. Like something will seriously happen if this one time I take my time to find them. Really Mindy. I have really been researching our next step towards child #2. I know Cameron has only been home 7 months tomorrow. But I really want our children to only be 3-3.5 years apart. And the time some countries are taking these days we need to get moving. I want a girl so bad. Every day I have to walk right by the girls clothes or I will buy everything. We really would love to go back to Guatemala for #2 but they are closed right now & who knows when or if they will re-open. When they do I know like us other people are looking into it and there will be a line from here to Guatemala of people waiting for to adopt. I really wanted to do China in the beginning but they are taking up to 4 years now for a referrral. We looked into Korea and were very excited about it but there is only one agency in Ohio that can handle Korean adoptions. (Korea requires the agency you use be located in your state of residence.) We thought about the waiting children for Korea or China. Then I fell in love with Ethiopia and the fact that there is a large chance of getting a child under 6 months. And there is the choice of do we go ahead and try for one of our own again. We only did mild fertility treatments before but seeing the time & money go down the drain after trying for 2 years on our own was just too much stress. And me on hormones--WATCH OUT!!! I really feel like there is something medically wrong with me but no one will listen. Is everything the same every month they ask? Yes, I say but it just isn't normal. Either way I have to figure out what is wrong with me. How does someone produce 5-6 eggs on just Clomid and still can't get pregant with an IUI. Come on. They wouldn't let me do the shots because the results I got from the pills people usually have from the shots. I really want just one of our own and then adopt any others from there on but it is really what path does God have for me. What is next for me? And why do I bother letting it eat me up inside? Why can't I just live my life and see what happens? Because I am me and this is how God made me. Now just show me the way so I know what to do. Please!!!